grimey girls bleh. maybe they should focus more on whats important instead of grimey things. people change, but oh well there are better people out there who actually know what to do with their life :)
Intellect
What is intellect? There are so many ways of measuring a persons overall knowledge. Whats the most admirable form of intellect? Monetary, social, even athletic? Yeah, I strive to be admired on some god-like form of intellect, but which type? I don’t quite know what it is that I’m good at. I know i excel(-ed) in volleyball, but the problem with sports is that there are physical limitations. No matter what someone says about trying hard or working at it, if you just don’t have the proper genes for your sport, then you don’t. Monetary…thats gotta be the toughest. Money isn’t easy to make. Money could also oftentimes be the direct result of high levels of intellect. So I guess it would be the most rewarding to me, shallow as it may seem. Social intellect is whatever to me. I can be social when i feel like it. Social enough.
I can be a lot of things when I feel like it. Yeah it sounds cocky but so what? The problem is that a lot of the times I don’t feel like it. I know I can do much greater things that I’m doing now, and that I’m fully capable. The problem with me is that I don’t feel like it. That’s the honest truth.
=]
hmmm
Reflection. Something I simply haven’t been doing well for what seems like the longest time. Have I become something that I don’t like? Maybe thats why I tend to hesitate when it comes to things about me. Do I not like to think about myself? After all, that is a part of reflection. Whenever conversations come up between me and someone else, I drift from topics that pertain to me. Do I do that knowingly or self consciously? That time of life has come again. That time where I don’t really know quite who I am. My identity. I do remember times where I knew exactly who I was, and those times were oh so sweet. Somewhere in that “happy” era I got lost again. Lost in what I envision myself being, lost in what I thought I should be, just lost. Nothing has changed since then. Still lost. However, one thing I strongly dislike is having pity for myself, or emitting some sort of negative or depressed energy. So as I read this, as you read this, as whoever reads this, please know that I’m not depressed, and I’m not as lost as I make myself out to be. It’s a certain type of lost. One that’s somewhere deep inside of myself. It’s like I am always waiting for my own will to grab what I know I’m capable of being out of myself. In my whole era of being lost, I thought about reflection. I frowned upon it. To me, reflection was a sign of mental weakness. Why reflect on something? What’s the point? If something is bothering you or on your mind, just brush that shit off like a man, right? When did I become so close-minded? Maybe I’m just afraid to reflect because I saw it as a sign of weakness. Is there really something wrong with being open with oneself? I think I really should embrace Jr Yee. Not some phony or someone trying to be someone. Surprisingly, this isn’t one of those epiphany type moments where out of the blue I get an overwhelming urge to write this. That’s why it’s so sweet. This feels really organic. Natural. Yeah, I’ve felt closed off for awhile. Closed off from life and what it has to offer. Am I drowning in my sorrows? Nah. I honestly think I’m fine, but I clearly acknowledge that I’ve been better. I mean yeah, things could actually be going a lot better. With pretty much every single facet of my life. Come to think of it I have a lot to be pretty sad about. And I am. However, I’m glad that I’m somehow able to cope with life’s difficulties. I’m not sure how I do it, I’d like to believe that I was born with it. I hate sounding cliche, but things don’t always turn out the way you think they are. Okay that was disgustingly cliche, but it was also disgustingly true. Never realize it till it actually happens. Life is routine. I’m not complaining, I’m just saying. So whenever the real me is ready to come out, just know that I’m waiting for you. And if you can understand what you’re fingers are typing and what you’re eyeballs are reading, then stop waiting for something to bring you out. Just come out. And no, I don’t think that it’ll be more likely to happen just because I decide to write this post. I don’t think suddenly life will turn around and change. I’m actually pretty confident that things will continue just the way they are. I’m happy though. Maybe content is more fitting. Why? Probably because of my natural ability to cope. I’ve always thought being blunt was bittersweet. So I guess I’ll sit around and wait. I won’t hope that things get better, but I’ll definitely want them to. So, inner Jr, just know that I’m not depressed, I’m not self-loathing, and I’m not complaining. I’m just saying. And it feels damn good.
Resolutions.
1. Get big
2. Be happy
3. Get a good job
4. 3.7 cumulative at the end of the year
5. Learn to skateboard
6. Become a better musician
7. Be the best boyfriend
8. Closer to gee oh dee
rapid hope loss
hm so what is going on…
volleyball has started and tryouts were at 5 a.m. im not complaining its worth it. everyone knows its our year and ill make volleyball my girlfriend, these next couple of months will be a test of our relationship :) we have another tryout tommorow at 5 a.m. and its cool.
im almost finished writing another song! its about love (what else im a softie) but yeah..im not going to post lyrics because !
ok last week team millenia got eliminated from abdc..like wtf dude. how do they lose to RINGMASTERS and how do they leave before the cloggers…wow..its ok i still love them especially wobz and jed florano-my dancing idol
LOST is on tonight, last weeks episode was so goooooood
I passed precal woooohoooo. but second semester will be alot harder so i gotta try harder.
alritey thats it for now
the light
common-the light (kero one remix)
This is one of those songs where i just want to listen to over and over and over. The lyrics to this song are my favorite of any song ive ever heard.
So today (or yesterday whatever) was the charity fashion show. It was really fun! I was pretty nervous just thinking about it, but i just admitted my weaknesses and prayed to god for him to help me just let loose, and it worked! I did casual with jeanette and semi formal with chrystal. Johns mom bought a bunch of raffle tickets and we won twice! ohmyyyy it was so funny when we won cause we all went buckwild! So after we just chilled at qcup and then tapx, the asian hangouts yayuhhh.
Camarderie tryouts are this week! DBJ3 wants to do a rapping/singing thing with kimberli and an acoustic thing with me playing guitar jason rapping and john and kimberli singing. yay! i hope we get chosen…we better since our friends our choosing haha :)
I worked out today at 24 and on my way down, i saw muscle milk for 50% off! whoaaa. so i bought that and drank it..it was chocolate flavored. Its a protein shake thing and supposed to help people that dump alot (fast metabolism) gain weight in conjunction with working out at the gym. I took a protein thing in the summer and gained 10 pounds, so im hoping that i can get similar results.
I really want to learn how to dance. like hip hop style. i wanna be on abdc one day with jason and john. dbj3 crew. fashooo.
me and my guitar have really bonded this past week. i go to her whenever im happy or sad =] just playing songs and singing them is like my own time. when i play my guitar i feel like i release alot of emotions!
